I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to get when I showed up to run Murph at CrossFit WV on Memorial Day. I just knew I was going to finish the damned thing.

For those outside of the cult of CrossFit, Murph is a “hero WOD” (Workout OF the Day).

CrossFit has a bunch of named workout routines. The hardest are named after fallen soldiers, police officers and the like –heroes.

You can do the workout whenever you want to or whenever your gym programs it, but most CrossFit Gyms program it on Memorial Day. It’s maybe the only coordinated workout in the CrossFit universe and it is brutal.

You go for a mile run and follow that with 100 pullups, 200 pushups and 300 air squats.

Then, you go back out and run another mile.

Most people break up the calisthenics into rounds, do 10 rounds of 10 pullups, 20 pushups and 30 air squats or just as likely 20 rounds of 5 pullups, 10 pushups and 15 air squats.

Whatever it takes to get to 100, 200 and 300.

Stronger athletes will wear a 20-pound weighted vest during the workout or do the calisthenics in order without dividing up the pain.

A few will do both.

I’ve done that –once.

In 2023, I did that in 53 minutes.

I was probably in the best shape of my life.

The next year, I’d hoped to repeat and push my time down to under 50 minutes. I trained for it. I worked for it. I watched what I ate and gave up beer, but then I developed a hernia.

It was the kind that had to be treated sooner rather than later. Training was canceled. I was allowed a little running but told not to lift anything heavy.

CrossFit workouts were out of the question.

Surgery fixed the hole in abdomen, but it took months to recover enough to do much more than jog. It was months more before I could safely lift more than 25 pounds.

It looked like I was doing great, but real recovery was slow. My strength came back slowly. I couldn’t run as fast or last as long.

I struggled.

Outside the gym, things weren’t great. Worries at work ate at me. My relationships stalled.

For comfort, I went back to old friends. I drank too much, too often. Eating garbage came naturally after that.

My sleep was off and I only ran some of the time. I found excuses not to go to the gym.

The struggle continued and I felt sorry for myself. When Memorial Day Weekend rolled around, I skipped Murph.

I was embarrassed and a little hungover.

It took another year for me to make peace with the reality of circumstances.

I’m older and heavier. I can improve, but there’s no saying how much. Whatever I can do will take more work than it did last time.

Alcohol is a concern. I drink one beer after work because I enjoy it. I come home and have three beers, one right after another, because I’m unhappy, because I’m frustrated, because I’m lonely.

I never get drunk when I’m happy. At least, I don’t when I’m buying the drinks.

And I don’t have to get drunk for the alcohol to throw me off the next day. An older body metabolizes alcohol differently.

I might not notice if I sat around more, but I don’t.

So, I’m trying to get better.

When I showed up to Murph this year, I figured I could gut it out and finish the workout, but there was no telling how long that would take. I just wanted to get it done inside of an hour.

That seemed possible.

After a bitterly cold winter, I was back to running regularly, averaging about 12 to 15 miles a week, running four or five days. I was getting to CrossFit more consistently and trying to stay away from the snacks at work.

I was still heavier than I wanted to be, but I hadn’t really put on any meaningful weight over the winter.

When the clock started for Murph, I took off from the gym at an even pace and without a vest. I didn’t even consider it.

The first mile went by without any trouble.

When I got back, I followed the lead of one of my coaches and broke the workout into 20 rounds, instead of charging through each exercise. The pushups were the hardest part, but I felt like the pullups and the air squats went very well.

I maintained a decent pace without completely falling apart.

After my last air squat, I ran out the front door and fought through that second mile. I was more than a little winded. I was almost woozy, but I made it back to the gym with a time that was less than an hour.

It was more than I’d run before, but it felt like a place to start, where I could build some kind of foundation and begin, yet again.